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Revelations
KoolDude
#1 Posted : Tuesday, June 01, 2010 5:28:49 AM




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Revelations

[Title Subject to Change]


Hello, I see that no one has got around to posting any information about games that they will soon begin developing with the upcoming release of Express Game Maker, so I thought I'll share a little information about mine, and if it sparks anyones interest, if there's anything you could do to help, I'd be more than grateful!
Even if it's just a banner to make this post stand out a bit more that would be awesome!


Now, because of the title of the game, I'm sure you get the feeling that this game will have some Biblical influence due to the fact it is named after the book of Revelations, the last book of the Bible. You are correct.

Action/Horror/Sci-Fi/Adventure

Story
Quote:

Athan was struck by an on coming car that should have killed him for good. However, by some divine force he was managed to be revived, and in his moments of death what he saw, would change him and the entire world completely. Greeted by an angel, he was offered to live once again, and a chance to return to his love, Sapphira, but, there were conditions which Athan would have to agree to. Either way, he agreed no matter what. Athan was revived. He barely remembers anything of his deal with the angel, but it is as of now only but a dream.

Life was good after that night, until Sapphira notices a sudden change in Athan's personality. She believes it's as if someone else had woke up from within Athan instead of the person she knew. Athan's personality only gets worse, but to the outside world he's what some would have called perfect. Soon enough Sapphira leaves Athan after a violent outburst, it was only until then Athan questions what he has become. He becomes depressed and that night he dreams of the angel who once greeted him in death. The angel tells him, "not to fear, for it is only the beginning." What Athan believed to be a sign of hope was nothing more than his true awakening. Demons appear before Athan, chanting, and shouting, and then one by one, they bow down before him. Athan runs and hides. He begins to seek help from a psychologist who believes Athan suffers a sever case of schizophrenia, while this may seem logical Athan feels it could be something more maniacle. He speaks with a local priest, and immeditaly the priest senses a dark presence following Athan. Athan describes to the priest his dream, the things he has seen and heard. The priest is shocked and has come to the conclusion that Athan is the anti-christ. The one who will come as a false god and force man to worship him and wage war against God himself, and those who deny him will be put to death.

With good intentions, the priest attempts to kill Athan in the name of the Lord, but in self-defense Athan manages to turn the tables. The priest falls to his knees with a knife in his stomach bleeding. With his last words he looks at Athan and calls him, "Abomination."

Athan, who is now considered a psycopath, is now free and on the run. He manages to find a safe place to hide in an abandonded factory out by a run down area of town. That night he is visited by the angel. He tells Athan not to worry, but Athan responds by telling the angel to kill him because he isn't going to do it.

The angel, who now reveals himself as Lucifer, is infuriated. He attempts to kill Athan, but he stops and leaves.
Before he leaves, he looks at Athan and tells him, "You're not worth my time, I'll let you suffer here for now. You can burn in Hell later."

Athan then realizes that he is right, Athan no longer has his soul regardless of breaking the contract. No matter what Athan is destined to burn in Hell for eternity. Athan then begins to try and harness his other worldy powers to have a face off with Lucifer and re-claim his soul, but how will he get to him?

According to the Bible, there is a timeline of seven years until the final battle between God and the anti-christ. This leaves Athan seven years to try and save his soul from the Devil, however how can the seven year period begin if there is no anti-christ to initiate it, unless there is a replacement?

A few months have passed and one night Athan turns on the Television and see's a new face. A man who is a real pusher for world peace. The man shares his ideas of how the world could be better, and his ideas not only sound possible, but amazing. The man doesn't look like the head of a big corporation, he doesn't look like he has any political background, nor does he look like he grew up within a wealthy family. As Athan examines the man on the screen he assumes that they are roughly the same age, but not only that, they look somewhat similar.

To Athan this man is his replacement and the moment he saw him an idea is sparked in his head. Athans goal is to hunt this man down, hold a gun to his head, and make a new offer with the Devil. In exchange for the life of his replacement, Athan's soul will be returned to him, but could it be that easy to track down a man who will soon become a god?







Characters
"Protagonists"
Quote:

Athan
Age: 23
Sex: Male

About this Character: Athan is a very determined man. He will stop at nothing to get what he wants, as selfish as it may be, he has one goal, and one goal only. He is courageous, he fears nothing, which makes him a very powerful opponent. However, he tends to keep to himself, and is distrusting of others.

Relationship(s): He had only three family members that he has known of. His mother, who also died in a car accident, his grandmother who is still alive today, and his grandfather who died of lung cancer. His love interest, is Sapphira, the one girl he has ever loved. She left him once she noticed the sudden changes happening in his life.

Goal: His goal is to take back his soul from the Devil and he will do whatever it takes to get it.

Beelzebub
Age: ?????
Sex: Male

About this Character: Beelzebub, perhaps the most mysterious character of them all. He hides his face underneath a cloak, which in return makes one question who this being really is. Although he never shows his face, he has been there since the beginning of time, so his wisdom should not be questioned by no means. He lives in regret because of his past, and not a day goes by he doesn't wish he could change it.

Relationship(s): Beelzebub is one of the Angels who fell alongside Lucifer. He was the second to fall, and is a Prince of Hell. Beelzebub doesn't agree with Lucifer on almost every aspect, so it causes tension between the two. Beelzebub spends his life living in regret because of his past, but why exactly did he fall?

Goal: Beelzebub does everything in his power help Athan, however, his motive for doing so is unknown.

Uriel
Age: ?????
Sex: Female

About this Character: Uriel, she is the only female Archangle. She is a very strong woman and she is not afraid to step out in the front line and fight for what she believes in. Her faith is strong, she believes anything is possible. She pities both Athan and man, and she wouldn't mind helping him along the way if only she was granted permission to do so.

Relationship(s): Uriel, is one of the four Archangels. She acts as a messenger between Athan and God.

Goal: She simply delivers messages back and forth between Athan and God.

Sapphira
Age: 22
Sex: Female

About this Character: Sapphira is a young and innocent girl. She has never been in trouble for anything. She works as a receptionist for a big time company in the United States called "Helios North America."She belives in "a" god, but she questions what that god is and where that god came from. She is still hurt because of what happened between her and Athan and she still loves him and would do anything to fix things back to how they were, but unfortunately she knows that part of her life is over now, so she hopes to one day finally move past it. She doubts she could ever trust him again anyways.

Relationship(s): She is the love of Athan's life and she still loves him.

Goal: She acts as the love intrest in the story, but could there be more?


"Antagonists"
Quote:

Lucifer (the Devil, Satan, etc...)
Age: ?????
Sex: Male

About this Character: The Devil, a sly, sneaky, manipulative monster. He is very charasmatic, and tends to make things sound much better than what they are and he never gives the full story. He is full of hatred towards God and mankind and is determined to see the destruction of them all. He was once the most beautiful angel of them all, until he craved power. He rebelled against God with means to take his throne and make himself god. However, God and his angels cast the rebellion out. There Satan then made his home on earth tempting man for generations to come waiting for the day when he will rise up against God once more.

Relationship(s): He was once the most beautiful angel of all, but now he reigns as the King of Hell.

Goal: To enslave mankind and destroy God so that he may take his place.

Mammon
Age: ?????
Sex: Male

About this Character: Mammon, a demon who has in his possession the president of "Helios North America." Mammon uses this body to control the company, a leader in technological development, so that when the time came around "Helios North America" would be a big time pusher for the New World Order and also support Athan and his conquest of world domination. Mammon also runs an underground drug company and club. He loves money, in fact he is part of the reason why people are so greedy. He doesn't care about what happens, he lives in the "now." As long as he has money, he's fine with whatever happens. Because of this, he really doesn't mind Athan at all.

Relationship(s): Mammon was just one of the angels who fell alongside Lucifer during the rebellion.

Goal: To support the upcoming New World Order and fully fund Athan's campaign.

Various Other Enemies...


Game Features

*A Fast Paced -Realtime Action Battle System-
*The game will feature completely custom graphics! (I hope Pray )
*A haunting environment that will take you from the ruins of our modern day world to the depths of Hell
*A diverse soundtrack ranging from Horrifying Soundscapes to Beautiful Orchestrations, to Heavy Metal.
*And more...?


Conclusion
Please let me know what you think! The game will be in the traditional RPG style view, with a very grungy and haunting environment. I'm going to attempt to throw in some horror elements. So even though it's a 2D game, I'm sure it's possible with the proper use of mood and atmosphere. Also, I'm going to try and throw in some Theology in there that will get people thinking.

I will begin to look in to hiring a freelancer, if I can't find someone to do it for free, to do a custom "Character Template" with various examples of character sprites. Then I will look in to finding a good "Free Sprite Artist" to work with the template to create the characters and to create various battle animations.

So what do I need?
*Sprite Artist [Character]
*Sprite Artist [Animator]
*Sprite Artist [Tile]
*Sprite Artist [HUD/GUI]
*Story Development Partner
(Those who own EGM can also pitch in for the level design)

So now, I'll leave you with this. A few songs I wrote that will be used in the game.
The first song, "The Future is Gone" isn't much, but it isn't supposed to be. It should feel haunting and lonely.
A Battle song titled "Face Off"
And also, a Soundscape used to let the player know something bad is about to happen.
Click the Links below!

"The Future is Gone"

"Face Off"

"Demons Approach"


Thank you all for reading,
I'm lookin' forward to any response you may have!

Best Regards,
KoolDude!


 
Zephyrus
#2 Posted : Wednesday, July 07, 2010 6:27:34 AM




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Hi im new to this i just signed up for beta ,
im like pro with photoshop lol id be happy to do any gfx you need just pm me ^_^

Thanks,
Zephy
KoolDude
#3 Posted : Wednesday, July 07, 2010 10:15:09 AM




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Hey that would be kool! Could you make a banner of some sort, perhaps? That would be nice! ^-^


 
Zephyrus
#4 Posted : Wednesday, July 07, 2010 3:19:23 PM




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sure thing when its done ill post it :)
Zephyrus
#5 Posted : Wednesday, July 07, 2010 3:31:39 PM




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here you go ^_^




SORRY FOR DOUBLE POST :P
KoolDude
#6 Posted : Thursday, July 08, 2010 11:28:07 AM




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Oh Wow, that's really kool!
The font is pretty medieval, while the game is more Modern/Futuristic. ^-^

Did you make the winged thingy in the back with the sword?

And I think there's a slight spelling error... I think you have "Revalations" the first 'a' should be an 'e'. =P

But this is definitely very kool! :)


 
Zephyrus
#7 Posted : Monday, July 12, 2010 6:41:11 PM




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oh thanks lol yes i did make the sword thing and the wings sorry its not the best and the swrods a lil crooked lol and sorry about the spelling error :p

just glad you like it! ^_^
KageKazumi
#8 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 5:39:59 AM




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I have issues with your story. I attempted to rewrite it, but without knowing where you wanted to go with it I only got the first paragraph rewritten. My biggest thing with it was it was more confusing then actually giving the reader an insight into the overall story.

FIRST PARAGRAPH REWRITTEN




Quote:
Athan roams the city at night, thinking, hoping, and waiting for an opportunity to come face to face the Devil and take back what is rightfully his; His Soul.


1) face-to-face
2) Thinking and Hoping not needed as they only make the sentence longer then it needs to be.
3) "his; His soul" --- This can be reworded to actually fit the sentence. Overal this is usless and again makes the sentence way longer then need be.

Quote:
Athan had lost his life in a car accident putting his life to a sudden end. Fortunatly, the medics were able to revive him, but in his few moments of death, Athan's whole life took a sudden change for the worst. Athan's one single goal in life; To ensalve mankind and bring about the downfall of God.


This whole part makes no real sense because it lacks information...

1) What drives him to change his goal in life after this accident?
2) What is so bad that he wants to enslave mankind and bring God down?
3) The first two sentences should be rewritten and combined into one to make it flow better.

Quote:

After discovering what fate had bestowed upon him, Athan tossed aside the task which was given to him for a chance to live a normal life, but could life ever be so normal? Athan realizes humanity has exactly seven years until life comes to a complete halt, or the rebirth of the world, and without a soul Athan is guranteed a place in Hell no matter what the outcome.


This overal to the reader would not tie into your first jumbled paragraph...

1) When did he discover this fate?
2) What are you talking about Fate bestowed upon him, when the reader has no CLUE what your talking about.
3) Normal life? What changed his life to not be normal and what makes it not normal?

*People have died and been brought back to life. Many claim seeing a light. So what did Athan see or relize in his split death to have such a fate (that needs to be definde by you the creator so the reader is not confussed).

4) Why is he granted a spot in hell?

Quote:
Now the clock has begun to tick. God has turned his back on man, including Athan. Disaster after disaster, war after war, mankind is searching for an answer to solve it all. Will the darkness consume Athan, or will he manage to stay from the path that he was meant to walk and save his soul. If Athan does manage cut off all ties to the deal, then who will take his place?


1) What are you talking about here? You go from Athan to now GOD not doing anything for anyone which has nothing to do with Paragraph 1 or 2!!
2) "darkness consume Athan, or will he manage to stay from...." --- Why tell the beginning at the end?
3) What deal?

Quote:

And...

If God won't help him, then who will?


1) It is not correct grammer to start a sentence with AND but okay as some litature (novels) do it. Don't abuse it.
2) This whole section is not needed. If anything you should end the story with the Title by fitting it in.

Quote:
Athan roams the city at night, thinking, hoping, and waiting for an opportunity to come face to face the Devil and take back what is rightfully his; His Soul. Athan had lost his life in a car accident putting his life to a sudden end. Fortunatly, the medics were able to revive him, but in his few moments of death, Athan's whole life took a sudden change for the worst. Athan's one single goal in life; To ensalve mankind and bring about the downfall of God.

After discovering what fate had bestowed upon him, Athan tossed aside the task which was given to him for a chance to live a normal life, but could life ever be so normal? Athan realizes humanity has exactly seven years until life comes to a complete halt, or the rebirth of the world, and without a soul Athan is guranteed a place in Hell no matter what the outcome.

Now the clock has begun to tick. God has turned his back on man, including Athan. Disaster after disaster, war after war, mankind is searching for an answer to solve it all. Will the darkness consume Athan, or will he manage to stay from the path that he was meant to walk and save his soul. If Athan does manage cut off all ties to the deal, then who will take his place?

And...

If God won't help him, then who will?


A story; all stories need a beginning, middle, and an end. This lacks all three and your paragraphs do don't flow with each other or make a whole lot of sense. Needs work and hope this can help in some way.


Yes it's true I'm a writer and designer!!
KoolDude
#9 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 6:25:18 AM




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^-^ Thanks for taking the time to read it.
I can see that I may have confused you, but I'm not really good with wording stuff and I suppose this was my failed attempt at trying to make it sound epic. :P

The game is based on the book of Revelations. The idea behind Revelations in the Bible is that a man, the Anti--Christ, will come to earth to promote peace and create a One World Government and One World Religion under his rule. By doing this, mankind would see the miracles and wonders he has performed, however, this man, is not the God he claims to be. He is infact a puppet of the Devil. He gains mankinds trust through tricks. He becomes their god. And he then he wages a war against the real God.

This man, is what Athan doesn't want to be.

Athan died. When faced with the idea of never seeing his love, Sapphira, ever again, he sells is soul to live, becasue of this, he is then meant to become the anti-christ. Athan begins to go through a serious personality change, causing Saphira to leave him after a series of violent outbursts. Athan then becomes depressed. He questions what he has become, and then becomes paranoid after a dream (Flashbacks of his trip to Hell.) He starts to hear noises and see things in the shadows. He begins speaking with a phsychiatrist who believes he has a sever case of schizophrenia. He doesn't believe her at all, infact he thinks it something much worse. He starts looking into the occult and sees a priest about what he could possibly do. The Priest gets a strange feeling from Athan the moment they meet.

Without going into any more detail... Athan realizes he is destined to be the Anti-Christ. He declines the contract he once agreed on. However, the Devil still has possession over his soul. Athans goal is to take his soul back no matter what it takes.

How? He doesn't know, and because he sold his soul, God won't aknowledge him, and the Devil is out to kill him.

You don't actually get to play through all that I just talked about. It's supposed to be an action game, and it would be kinda' boring since nothing really exciting happens during that time. Instead, you'll get to play through them in a series of flashbacks throughout the game that describes Athans past.

I hope maybe this cleared things up. :)


 
KageKazumi
#10 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 6:48:10 AM




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No not really. The idea is to improve your story, not explain it to me because it had loop holes in it. Try a rewrite and then we can talk.
KoolDude
#11 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 7:00:17 AM




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Quote:
No not really.

Lol straight to the point

Hmm... An entire rewrite of the story, or a rewrite of the failed attempt at an epic synopsis that didn't really explain much?


 
KageKazumi
#12 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 7:04:45 AM




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KoolDude wrote:
Quote:
No not really.

Lol straight to the point

Hmm... An entire rewrite of the story, or a rewrite of the failed attempt at an epic synopsis that didn't really explain much?


In truth you are writing a synopsis for you game project THREAD/TOPIC. So you need to take your jumbled mess and make a synopsis for it, but it would still need a beginning, middle, and end.
KoolDude
#13 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 8:10:47 AM




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Okay I updated it, I think it helps. I rewrote it so it makes more sense. It talks about how it all starts, in the end Good triumphs over Evil, and the middle I'm still working on 'cause it's still in development. Dancing

Is the purpose of the synopsis to give all the details away? =/
I actually had always thought that the synopsis was like the stuff you read on the back of movie cases. I guess I was wrong! ^-^


 
KageKazumi
#14 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 7:50:22 PM




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Quote:
What Should Be Included in a Synopsis?

Your book synopsis should focus on:

* The Main Characters
* The Main Plot
* The Main Conflicts

Anything superfluous should be jettisoned from the synopsis.

Not surprisingly, for most writers, it takes quite a long time to pare down a novel into a pithy synopsis. Some authors even request help from trusted writing companions to get them through the process or pay others to help them construct their synopsis. (And why not? After all, a strong synopsis could mean the difference between snagging an agent or having your work languish in the slush pile.)

Should My Synopsis “Give Away” My Book’s Ending?

A synopsis should tell the entire plot of your book from beginning to end, and that includes your “shocking ending.” Many authors bristle when told to reveal their books’ “secrets”, but to an editor or agent, knowing how a novel concludes is critical.

Remember that the synopsis isn’t for the public’s eye; it’s for the eyes of someone who has the potential to bring your work to the public. So don’t hold back anything that’s important to the central theme of your book.


Synopsis is the same for even a game.
KoolDude
#15 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 7:59:41 PM




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Ah I see, okay. I'll work on it. How does the beginning sound? :)


 
KageKazumi
#16 Posted : Tuesday, July 13, 2010 8:26:19 PM




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KoolDude wrote:

I actually had always thought that the synopsis was like the stuff you read on the back of movie cases. I guess I was wrong! ^-^


That is a Teaser, same as on a back book cover. You could do a synopsis or Teaser just depends on how much information you want to reveal.
KoolDude
#17 Posted : Wednesday, July 14, 2010 3:35:06 AM




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Oh okay, I see. Well I have the beginning of a synopsis, and after the beginning it turns into a teaser... Is that acceptable? Pray


 
KageKazumi
#18 Posted : Wednesday, July 14, 2010 5:00:41 AM




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Try and make it 4 or less paragraphs. People are turned away by long reading.
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